THE LYMANSVILLE GLEANER ~ “Ferreting Out the Truth Since 1784!”
Dispatches from Lymansville ~ February Edition
UNANIMOUS VOTE ON BIKE RACK
Vital Information Brought To Light By Local Businessman
A Town Forum was called to vote on the new bike rack for the southeast corner of Town Green. The subject specifically pertained to what materials would be used to construct the new rack. Many argued that the use of scrap-steel would be most environmentally friendly from a recycling perspective. In a surprise twist, Denton Shiff—of Shiff’s Scrap Metal, and who would have been a beneficiary of the choice to use scrap-steel—pointed out the energy consumption of the welding equipment and endorsed using repurposed wood. The vote was almost unanimous in favor of wood with Strobe Talmadge as the lone dissenter. Current Person in Charge (CPIC) Deb Dunham had this to say, “We’re all grateful to Denton for his insight and for taking one for the team. Of course, a unanimous decision would’ve been ideal, but no one was surprised by Strobe’s vote.”
UKE CAN LELE!
Norman Wilson kicked off his annual “Build a Uke with Norman!” workshop. This year saw a spike in attendance from three to eight, prompting Norman to move the ukulele-construction event from his office in the fine arts building on The College of Lymansville (TCOL) campus to one of the music practice halls. The workshop will last five weeks and includes beginner ukulele-playing lessons. It will end with a special performance of the Creedence Clearwater Revival classic “Bad Moon Rising” played by workshop attendees and accompanied by The College of Lymansville Preparatory School (TCOLPS) sixth-grade madrigal singers. Date and time TBA. All are welcome.
LITERATURE’S CRITTERS
The library’s Sunday night seminar series kicked off what will be a three-part series on the role of animals in literature. Highlighted texts include Legends of the Fall by Jim Harrison, Jaws by Peter Benchley, and Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White. All who participate will enjoy a special viewing of the library’s prized, and true, first edition of Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne. Macy Brighton (head librarian) will lead the series, assisted by head assistant librarian, Walter Morgan. Refreshments for the first night of the series were provided by Sweet’s Café.
MONTHLY WEATHER IN A NUTSHELL
After a blizzard early in the month, the weather turned unseasonably balmy with highs soaring to 62°F. But the torrential storm system the night of Thursday, February 21st caused temperatures to plummet below 30°F and remain in the high 20s for the remainder of the month. Buckle up, folks—climate change is going to take us on quite a ride. *For information on what you can do to help, see our special investigative report “Climate Change: What You Need To Know” in next month’s edition.
STORM UPSETS LOCAL HOUND
There was an attempted jailbreak by Floyd Fenster’s redbone hound “Skeeter” at the Lymansville Animal Clinic (LAC). Skeeter was in for de-worming after he consumed an entire dead mole out by Smiling Creek. The head of LAC, Harvin Blessing, DMV (known in town as, “Doc B”), issued the following statement. “Miles Dutton was the tech on duty that night and gained control of the situation in a timely, calm, and professional manner—they train them well over at the College of Tillage and Husbandry at TCOL. We believe Skeeter was agitated by Thursday night’s storm. He’s home with Mr. Fenster now, and I’m told he’s doing just fine.”
HORSHACK’S EASES WORRY ABOUT SPRING BLOOM
Both Horshack’s Garden Center and Horshack’s Nursery saw a deluge of panicked residents expressing concern for the health of the many local hydrangea bushes that had sprouted buds during the warm spell that preceded the sudden deep freeze. Calvin Horshack issued a statement assuring that the spring bloom would not be affected due to the fact that 90% of the town’s hydrangeas are firmly established plants. Lymansville local James (known to most as “Jimmy”) Newton Rondy was not assuaged. “That might be just dunky-hory [sic] for some people, but I’ve got 3 young bushes I put in last spring—what happens to them? I guess it’s just a game of hide-and-seek [sic] now. I’ll tell you though, I’ll be waiting on bated breath [sic] come April.”